Teaching Kids That It’s OK to Avoid Toxic People

One of the lessons that parents tend to drill into their children’s heads is to be polite and respectful of others. In most cases, this is an important lesson and skill for kids to learn.

Of course, you can also teach them that they don’t have to be overly polite to everyone.

You already teach them to avoid strangers, whether it’s the mantra from when I was growing up, “Don’t talk to strangers” or today’s “Stranger Danger.” 

What you shouldn’t forget is that there are some people who aren’t strangers that are more beneficial to avoid.

It’s important for everyone to recognize that people just can’t get along with every other human being on the planet.

Just because you don’t have anything in common with them or they merely “rub you the wrong way,” it doesn’t mean that you should completely avoid them -- even if you could.

There are clearly times when it’s impossible to avoid them because that person that you find so irritating is your boss, the spouse of your best friend, or the person next door. In these instances, you learn how to be polite and get along with others, perhaps try to find something you have in common with them, or just learn how to disentangle yourself from their presence quickly and tactfully.

Then there are people who have beliefs and opinions that are diametrically opposed to your own. It’s a great skill to learn how to respectfully listen to others. Often, by hearing the other person out, you’ll broaden your own horizons and have a greater understanding of the topic at hand. In some cases, you may even have a new awareness that leads you to modifying or changing your opinion or behavior.

Listening and calmly discussing different ideas can be a great tool. You probably already use these skills when talking with family members as well as in our professional lives. People who are very skilled at listening and weighing both sides of a situation are often sought out as counsel, whether formally or on a casual basis.

But then there are people who are just plain toxic. How do you know if someone just is different or irritating, or if they are truly toxic?

One of the best ways is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Pay attention to how you feel when that person is around. How do other people react in their presence? Is your discomfort merely because they have different opinions than you do or because they look different to you? Or do you feel a pattern of turmoil surrounding this individual?

If your IGS is sending out warning signs that you should steer clear of this person, pay attention. Your IGS is probably picking up on subtle clues that your conscious mind is not.

Toxic people often leave behind a wake of destruction. They may thrive on drama, even stirring up fights between people. Or they may be very needy and take lots of time and energy, draining you without ever being there when you could use a hand.

It isn’t always easy to avoid toxic people, especially if he or she is a family member, coworker, teacher or classmate. If your child can’t entirely avoid the toxic person, help them to set boundaries. By setting boundaries and remaining true to themselves, your child will remain in control rather than allowing themselves to become a victim swept up into the toxic person’s vortex.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Is My Child’s Internal Guidance System Broken?

Everyone’s born with the wonderful gift that is their Internal Guidance System (IGS). Your IGS helps you know what’s in your best interest, how to live your best life, and is there to assist you at any moment.

Unfortunately, most people today generally aren’t aware of their Internal Guidance System and have to be taught how to use it. 

This is because people are taught early in life to pay more attention to what’s going on outside of them rather than their own feelings. 

When you’re told over and over to disregard your feelings, then you naturally begin to distrust them.

If you feel an urge to go left, but are told that you’re wrong and are pulled over to the right every time you so much as try to go left, you’ll possibly begin to discount your urges. 

This will cause you to change your course at least for a while.

Some people are very aware of their IGS from a very early age. They’re the people who still followed their inner compass even when their friends, families, and teachers told them to go in a specific direction. They never discounted their urges because they knew exactly what they wanted from the beginning, but everyone is different.

Parents can learn about their IGS and then pass on that knowledge to their children. You can encourage your child to pay attention to their Internal Guidance System and learn how to use and trust in it. Thus you can support both a child who is already aware of their IGS and a child who hasn’t developed this connection already.

Whether a child is born with a strong sense of their IGS or not, there can come times where they seem to have lost this connection. The child who was always independent begins to follow the crowd or makes choices that you foresee having negative consequences. As a parent that’s aware of the power of the Internal Guidance System, you may actually wonder if it’s possible for your child’s IGS to break down. 

I can assure you that the IGS itself is not broken. 

There are one of two possibilities: 

1. Your child has stopped checking in with (or listening to) their IGS.
2. Your child is checking in with their IGS and it’s taking them on a path that’s different than you would prefer.

The thing for any parent to do in this situation is to first check in with their own Internal Guidance System. This will help you to approach your child in a way that’s most likely to achieve a positive outcome. That doesn’t necessarily mean that your son or daughter will start making decisions you would prefer, but it’ll allow you to understand what’s going on in your child’s life.

They might need a gentle reminder about their IGS or a refresher on how to tap into and trust it. Sometimes a person needs reminders about the tools they have at their disposal. 

Or you may discover they’ve consciously been bypassing the use of this powerful tool.  At some points in life, it’s possible for a person to choose not to use their tools for a variety of reasons even when they know they have them. For example, they might be afraid of being “different,” or it may seem like it’s just easier to follow the group.

Whatever your child’s reasons are for not following their IGS, you can still be a role model by tapping into your own. In this way, you’ll feel when it’s right to encourage your child and when it’s better to step back for a while. Don’t try to force to use of a tool they aren’t open to in the moment. 

Keep in mind that even if they aren’t consciously following their IGS, it isn’t broken. They’ll learn from this experience and when they come back to this tool, they’ll have been on their path and have more information to help them formulate their next moves.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

LOA Basics: Appreciating is Not Settling

One of the basic teachings of the Law of Attraction (LOA) is that it’s important to have an appreciation for what you have. Sometimes people misinterpret this to mean that they’re settling for less. Therefore, it’s important to understand that appreciating what you have in your life now doesn’t restrict what you’ll have in the future.

It’s certainly understandable to feel like you’re settling if you believe that by expressing appreciation for your current life, you’re attracting more of the exact same circumstances in the future.

Fortunately, that’s not how the Law of Attraction works.

The confusion arises partly because the LOA works on energy and vibrations.

These are things that you can’t see and because of that, they can be a bit more challenging to explain and grasp.

Imagine a cowboy wants to rope a cow. He sets his eyes on his target, picks up his rope, and lassos the animal. Of course, the cowboy has had lots of time to practice roping, and he’s had his share of misses. Yet with practice, his skill grows and it’s easier for him to consistently throw out his rope and get what he wants.

In a way, the Law of Attraction is like the rope. With practice, your skills at applying the LOA improve and you get what you want more consistently and easily. Unlike the rope, the Universe will deliver your quarry to you. You don’t have to pull the rope in to get it. Your job is merely to throw the rope where you want it.

The cowboy appreciates where he is before he ever picks up his rope. He may or may not be conscious of it in that precise moment, but on a regular basis, he expresses gratitude for his current situation.

He’s grateful for his horse and expresses that in both words and by caring for the steed. He’s grateful for good boots and a saddle that make getting his job done easier. The cowboy is even grateful for the weather, both rain and sunshine, knowing that both are needed for the grass to grow. The grass that feeds those cows he’ll one day lasso.

Your life in this very moment is a result of your thoughts, feelings, and actions you’ve taken in the past. You might even say it’s a result of the hours you practice with your “rope,” and the times you neglected your practice.

When you’re resentful of where you are today, you’re therefore trying to change the past. This is something that you can’t do. You can only change what you do right now. It’s precisely your current thoughts, feelings, and actions that will give you results in the future, whether your bid is successful or you come up empty.

When you express your appreciation for anything in your life, you’re raising your vibration or your rope. Just like the cowboy, you can’t get what you want without taking that first step. Appreciating his rope, horse, and saddle don’t preclude the cowboy from getting the cow; they enable it. It doesn’t mean he can’t get a faster horse or better saddle either -- his appreciation allows for more opportunities for things and experiences he will appreciate.

Think about what you have in your life right now to be thankful for. Speak words of appreciation for them. Show your gratitude with your deeds. Be grateful for what you have, aim for what you want, and be open to more opportunities in the future. The only settling you will find is the dust.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Shake It Up, Baby

This is a good time of year to remember to get out of your rut and try something new. This is especially true if you find yourself shaking your head and wondering, “How did I get here?” or “Where has the time gone?”

Life is supposed to be about having fun and being creative. Sure, most people have to work for a living, but that doesn’t mean your life has to be a grind.

So if you’re tired, bored, or it just seems like life isn’t going your way, then it’s time to shake it up, baby.

Don’t think of these changes as resolutions that you have to keep.

I’m talking about having fun, not making more rules that you have to remember and follow.

So if you’re going to make it a resolution, make it something like this: “I resolve to have more fun this year.”

Shaking it up may include creating a “Bucket List” of things you want to do before you die, like in the movie of the same name, but not every goal has to be huge.

Be willing to try a variety of different activities, especially if you’re out of practice with “playtime.” You might start by writing down any idea that sounds like fun. They can be small things that take just a few minutes or longer adventures. It could be as simple and potentially silly as getting on the swing at your local park.

Having a variety is a great idea. That way when you notice you’re in a rut and having difficulty getting out of it, you can reach for your list and find something that’ll fit in the moment.

I encourage you to have fun with family and friends. If you’re a parent who’s been stuck for a while, be prepared for your spouse and kids to maybe wonder about your sanity at least at first. Be okay with that. Explain what’s going on to them and I bet that most of them will climb on board.

Just because you sit down and write a long list of activities, it might not be necessary do all of them. You don’t have to suddenly take up skydiving just because you wrote it down, but there’s no rule against that either.

While you can start at the top of the list and work your way down, I would encourage you to have more fun than that. After all, this is about shaking things up. You’re not creating another to-do list where you check off each task after it’s accomplished.

One of the best ways to help cull your list down or to determine the best things to do in the moment (with or without consulting your list) is to check with your Internal Guidance System (IGS). It’s a good indicator for determining how excited you are about doing something.

There will probably be things that bring about a neutral “eh” response while other things will be a sure “nope.” By checking in with your IGS, you’ll be able to distinguish between true disinterest in the moment and fear or hesitation because you’re climbing out of your rut.

So get on your climbing shoes and have fun.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Parenting a Special Needs Child

Parenting is not something that I would term “easy.” Joyful, certainly. Rewarding? Most definitely. But parenting has its challenges even when we are fortunate enough to have perfectly healthy children.

Parents who have a special needs child face additional challenges that most parents never have to consider.

Fortunately, there are many tools that can help all parents raise their children to live the best lives possible today.

If you have a child with special needs, you are very aware of the extra challenges that you and she face.

It is natural for parents to want to protect and fight for their children, especially when they are very young, or appear to be weaker than others.

While this is a natural response for everyone’s sake, it is important that you also take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

One of the best ways you can do this is to be sure to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) on a regular basis, and to teach the rest of your family to do so as well, to the best of their abilities.

As a parent of a special needs child, you will have many choices to make. The exact decisions will be determined by you and your child, as to what her specific needs are. Some of the common issues you will face are whether your daughter should be “mainstreamed” or in special education classes. You may also need to decide if she should be on medications or have special training or equipment to assist in her education and life skills.

No matter what the exact situation with your daughter, you will also have to face that her health will very likely cost you extra time, energy, and money. For some families, this comes at the expense of other relationships, perhaps with your spouse, your friends, or even your other children.

Some parents feel guilty that they are not giving their “special” child everything that she needs. Perhaps you have to work to pay the bills. Maybe you love your career and don’t feel like you are called to be a stay-at-home parent. Or you may stay at home and still not feel like you are doing enough, because you don’t have enough money, enough support, or the proper tools to help your daughter.

Other parents will feel guilt that they are not being “fair” to their other kids. You may be aware that more time and money is being spent on your daughter while the other kids get less attention. Or your other kids may be part of the “team” that helps care for their sister, and you worry that they are not getting to be kids themselves.

I know that you want the best for your entire family, so let us be clear about one thing: feeling guilty will not help you or any of your children.

There is no one path that is right for every family with a special needs child. So much depends on the specific circumstances you are facing.

But just because a majority of parents, who have children with the same diagnosis, follow one path does not mean that is what you should do. You need to find the right path for you. That is why it is important to tap into your IGS, which will help you to determine the best path for your family.

Take some quiet time and check in with yourself rather than always reading about how others handled their situations. How does it feel when you consider staying at your current job (or getting one, if you do not have one now)? What does your IGS indicate when you think about confronting the school administration about mainstreaming your daughter?

Your IGS can help you distinguish between your ego, feelings of guilt brought about because someone else thinks you “should” do it, and what is best for you and your daughter. You may be surprised when you feel you should let go, and when you are guided to pick up a torch. No matter what path you take, by allowing your IGS to guide you, you will have a rewarding, joyful, parenting experience and a lot less guilt.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Skills Over Fancy Tools Key for Both LOA and Photography

Everyone knows people who have taken up a new hobby and before they have even taken one lesson, they have gone out and purchased the best equipment money can buy. Truth is, almost everyone has done this at least once in their lives. 

That is why so many people have closets, basements, and garages filled with stuff they don’t use and why there are a plethora of garage sales, listings on sites such as Craigslist and eBay, and resale stores.

While it may be necessary to invest some money in new tools, it’s often true that you can get excellent results with either what you already have or with a simple, lower cost investment.

This is certainly the case for both learning to apply the Law of Attraction (LOA) and taking up the art of photography.

There are ample opportunities in either of these endeavors to spend lots of money.  You may choose to do so over time, depending on your own goals and desires. For most people, spending large amounts isn’t necessary and certainly not a prerequisite to beginning your studies.

To take a good photograph, you don’t need to have the fanciest camera. While it’s true that professional photographers often have several cameras, each costing thousands of dollars, it isn’t necessarily the equipment that earned them their standing. Even if your goal is to become a pro, starting off with fancy gear may actually inhibit rather than inspire you.

While the camera on your smartphone may not be top-notch, it’s convenient and something you probably already carry, so it’s a good place to start. With this simple camera, you can move beyond the “Ooh, isn’t that cool” snapshot and learn what it takes through practice to more consistently capture the image.

The first place to start is to learn the equipment you already have. Your phone/camera has a user’s manual. Read it. Learn the basics of photography and then begin shooting.

You’ll discover that getting the shot does require taking lots of pictures, but also requires patience, lighting, etc. No matter what, some of the best photographs are “happy accidents,” captured only because the photographer was in the right place at the right time with their gear.

Once you’ve learned more about photography and have more confidence in your abilities to capture the desired image, you may decide to upgrade your camera. You may buy different lenses and a bag to carry them in.

By tapping into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) you’ll know which type of photography you really enjoy as your skills grow. This will help steer you to the proper equipment to buy for your goals. If you love taking portraits, you’ll likely want different gear than if your thrill is taking shots of wildlife while out hiking in nature. Some photographers will be excited about tiny details, while others prefer broad scenic shots. This will also impact your purchasing decisions.

Learning to apply the LOA is a similar process. You don’t need a lot of fancy courses or tools, but you do need some basics. Rather than a smartphone, your basic tools will be yourself and learning to trust your IGS.

Learn about the LOA, what it means, and how it works. Try a variety of simple tools to see what suits you best. Regularly tap into your IGS and it will steer you in the proper direction. You may decide that you like guided meditation and so you buy CDs or DVDs to assist with that process. Or you may discover that you like to meditate by listening to the sounds of nature outside your own door for free.

As you practice your basic LOA skills, you’ll probably discover that you’re pulled in one direction or another. You’ll find the gear that helps you to feel peaceful and abundant. Then you can focus on learning more about this area of interest and practice those specific skills rather than attempting to be an expert on all of them. You may also decide that you need a professional life coach.

Other people will decide they want to become professional LOA coaches, just as some people choose to become professional photographers. If you’re guided to take this path, then you’ll spend more money on tools, lessons, and coaching in order to reach your goal.

Whether you’re a photographer or a student of the LOA (or both), you should be open to learning more with what you have at hand right now. Allow your skills to develop. Tap into your IGS to determine which path to take as you grow. If you do this, you’ll find you’ve become an expert without having acquired a bunch of things you never really used or needed in the first place.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Law of Attraction in Sickness and Health

Many people don’t believe that they can apply the Law of Attraction to their health. While it is easier to believe that you’re either healthy or not, you should know there are lots of things that you can do to improve your health. 

Of course, eating nutritious foods and getting exercise are healthy choices you can make that have a great impact on keeping your body strong.

However, you should also remember that your ability to affect your health goes far beyond what you do physically.

The first thing that you must recognize is that your current physical condition is merely a result of everything you’ve done in the past.

You can’t simply blink your eyes or snap your fingers and have an illness or extra pounds vanish.

If your current condition is a result of your past, then it stands to reason that today’s actions will affect what your body looks and feels like in the future.

When you study the Law of Attraction, you learn that it’s not only your actions that impact the world around you. It’s your thoughts and feelings that have the most profound impact. So if you want to change your physical appearance, whether it is to be stronger, healthier, to eliminate illness, or to lose excess fat, you have to change the energy that you send out into the universe through your thoughts and feelings.

Let’s be clear that this is not always easy. Most people have had many years of practice criticizing their bodies. You repeat the mantras of your various illnesses and woes. You tell everyone that you suffer from allergies, that you’re accident prone, or that you constantly get sick all winter long.

You complain that you aren’t strong enough or that your back hurts. If you have a serious disease, you might even explain your illness and symptoms to your family and friends.  You join with others who share your illness and form support groups and raise money to fight against this physical foe.

What the Law of Attraction teaches you is that in order to get what you want, you must focus your energy on what you want. If you want to be healthier, you must focus your energy on feeling healthier now. You must feel health inside yourself. You must visualize doing the same things as the healthy people who have the level of health you desire.

Once you can feel this inside and you’re focusing on this positive energy, then you’ll feel inspired to take the appropriate action to help yourself reach your health goals. The action may be as simple as getting off the couch and walking around the block instead of watching television.

You may be inspired to buy a pair of good walking shoes. Perhaps you’ll be guided to start simply by getting some fresh air and taking more breaks from your desk job. Maybe you’ll even be inspired to go to the local farmer’s market and buy some fresh produce for dinner.

What you will be inspired to do will be as unique as you are. Follow this inspiration. Don’t expect to see your results manifesting overnight, but do expect to continue to feel improved health. Spend as much time being hopeful and positive about your body and your health as you can. With this new attitude and by taking inspired action, you will manifest better health.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.