Parenting is not something that I
would term “easy.” Joyful, certainly. Rewarding? Most definitely. But parenting
has its challenges even when we are fortunate enough to have perfectly healthy
children.
Parents who have a special needs child
face additional challenges that most parents never have to consider.
Fortunately, there are many tools that
can help all parents raise their children to live the best lives possible
today.
If you have a child with special needs,
you are very aware of the extra challenges that you and she face.
It is natural for parents to want to
protect and fight for their children, especially when they are very young, or
appear to be weaker than others.
While this is a natural response for
everyone’s sake, it is important that you also take care of yourself and the
rest of your family.
One of the best ways you can do this
is to be sure to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) on a regular
basis, and to teach the rest of your family to do so as well, to the best of
their abilities.
As a parent of a special needs child,
you will have many choices to make. The exact decisions will be determined by
you and your child, as to what her specific needs are. Some of the common issues
you will face are whether your daughter should be “mainstreamed” or in special
education classes. You may also need to decide if she should be on medications
or have special training or equipment to assist in her education and life
skills.
No matter what the exact situation
with your daughter, you will also have to face that her health will very likely
cost you extra time, energy, and money. For some families, this comes at the
expense of other relationships, perhaps with your spouse, your friends, or even
your other children.
Some parents feel guilty that they are
not giving their “special” child everything that she needs. Perhaps you have to
work to pay the bills. Maybe you love your career and don’t feel like you are
called to be a stay-at-home parent. Or you may stay at home and still not feel
like you are doing enough, because you don’t have enough money, enough support,
or the proper tools to help your daughter.
Other parents will feel guilt that
they are not being “fair” to their other kids. You may be aware that more time
and money is being spent on your daughter while the other kids get less
attention. Or your other kids may be part of the “team” that helps care for
their sister, and you worry that they are not getting to be kids themselves.
I know that you want the best for your
entire family, so let us be clear about one thing: feeling guilty will not help
you or any of your children.
There is no one path that is right for every family with a special needs child.
So much depends on the specific circumstances you are facing.
But just because a majority of
parents, who have children with the same diagnosis, follow one path does not
mean that is what you should do. You need to find the right path for you. That
is why it is important to tap into your IGS, which will help you to determine
the best path for your family.
Take some quiet time and check in with
yourself rather than always reading about how others handled their situations.
How does it feel when you consider staying at your current job (or getting one,
if you do not have one now)? What does your IGS indicate when you think about
confronting the school administration about mainstreaming your daughter?
Your IGS can help you distinguish
between your ego, feelings of guilt brought about because someone else thinks
you “should” do it, and what is best for you and your daughter. You may be
surprised when you feel you should let go, and when you are guided to pick up a
torch. No matter what path you take, by allowing your IGS to guide you, you
will have a rewarding, joyful, parenting experience and a lot less guilt.
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