Some adults
seem to think that children don’t have a care in the world, so they struggle to
understand or even recognize the symptoms when their children are feeling too
much pressure. With that in mind, it is important for you to realize that your
child is a unique individual who feels and processes life in their own way. On
top of that, life in many ways is both simpler and more complicated than it was when you were a child.
Recognizing the signs being
overwhelmed in your child
You know your
child whether they tend to be a bookworm, eagerly dives into projects, avoids
homework until the last possible moment, or just wants to play video games.
The key to
recognizing whether your child is feeling overwhelmed isn’t necessarily that
they’re doing – or not doing -- any one specific thing. Feeling overwhelmed
will often just look “different.”
At first that
may not sound helpful, but there’s truthfully no one-size-fits-all answer for
this parenting situation.
It may not
always easy to look at your child from an objective vantage point. You’re
human, too. Since you know your child, you might sometimes see what you expect
to see. Your child may be trying to hide their feelings or you may not be
seeing the entire picture. Your child might not want to admit or can’t
articulate that they’re feeling overwhelmed, so you might have to be a bit of a
parental sleuth to help get to the bottom of the issue.
Take a step
back and look at your child’s attitude and behavior. Is your energetic one suddenly
lethargic? Maybe they’re just goofing off or aren’t feeling well. And it could
also be that they’re just emotionally overwhelmed.
What causes this feeling?
Before you can
make lasting solutions, it’s a good idea to discover the cause of your child’s
sense of being overwhelmed. Until you do that, you might be barking up the
wrong tree and not bringing your child the relief you intended.
A child can
become overwhelmed because of the amount
of homework they’re being assigned. It could be because of the type of work or the level of the studies, rather than the volume. Changes in teachers,
classes, schools, and friendships can also affect a child’s feeling capable of
performing.
Activities
outside of school can also impact a child and contribute to their feelings.
Sports, clubs, and scouting are all valuable in a child’s life, but sometimes
they can add up to being too much. Just as with schoolwork, it may be that your
child has too many different activities that they’re trying to juggle or that they’ve
been pushed to a level that they feel is too advanced for their skills.
Issues at home,
whether with siblings, you, family pets, or extended family members can also
create a sense of there being too much to handle. Have any changes happened at
home that might be at the root of this situation?
Also, remember
that children are very sensitive to the vibration their parents put out. Check
in with your Internal Guidance System (IGS) to be sure you aren’t feeling some
overwhelming feelings yourself; your child may be feeling and mirroring what’s
happening in your life.
Steps Towards Taking Action
Knowing the cause
(or at least the probable cause) of your child’s overwhelmed state is important
in order to determine the right action to take.
If your child
is feeling a pressure to perform at a level that’s out of their comfort zone,
then you have several different paths to possibly take. The actions you take
will be look quite different if your child is buried by the amount of work and
activities they have on their plate.
The child who’s
being pushed outside of their comfort zone may need reassurance or added
self-confidence. They may need to step back a little bit and understand why
you, their teacher, or coach are sure that they can handle this new role. If they
buy into the decision, that may be the end of their being overwhelmed.
Sometimes the
solution may be in how the message is delivered. Help your child understand
that being able to work outside of their comfort zone is the only way to grow
and keep learning. If they gets comfortable at being uncomfortable, they’ll
have learned a great lesson that will serve them in the future.
Perhaps your child
just needs a short break to do something they enjoy and already know how to do
well. Everyone likes to feel as if they’re good at something, so let them.
Reassure them that this is a strength rather than a weakness. You want them to
know that they’re a capable and this is an opportunity for them to gain some
confidence before tackling a more difficult task.
The child who
has too much going on and can’t keep up may need some help prioritizing,
scheduling, or managing their time.
It just might
be that they have to temporarily drop one activity or another. Some children
don’t need to drop anything -- they just need a bit more help until they get
over a stumbling block. Let your child know it’s okay to ask for help if they
need it, but also honestly assess whether or not they’ve taken on too much.
Both you and
your child can participate in this decision. Letting them help choose which
activity is dropped or if the plate stays full will help empower them rather
than put them into the position of a victim.
Talk with your
child about why having some fun (organized activities or otherwise) is
important so that life isn’t just about work. Reassure them that there will be time
to try other things. Trying different things to learn what they like and what they
don’t is what growing up is all about.
