Helping Kids Manage Anger

No one enjoys being around an angry person and no one likes to catch the brunt of someone’s temper. Yet everyone gets angry from time to time and you want your children to be able to express his or her feelings. So how can you help them to recognize and express their anger in a healthy way that doesn’t alienate everyone around them?

It’s important for you to deal with negative emotions such as anger in a way that is appropriate for your child’s age. You shouldn’t expect him or her to be able to have the same kind of rationalization you’d expect from an adult.

In the same way, you can raise your expectations when your kids are preteens and teenagers. What might’ve been accepted or tolerated when they were five just doesn’t cut it when they’re fifteen.

Even though you’ll likely modify your expectations and how you address the emotions with your children as they mature, don’t talk down to them just because of their age.

Human beings are blessed with an incredible array of emotions from intense anger and despair to the heights of happiness. No one can flip a switch and turn off their emotions and you really shouldn’t try to do that. What you can do is to modify how you express your emotions. This is important for you to remember as an adult and extremely important for you to convey to your children.

“Timing is everything,” as the saying goes. This especially true when you’re discussing emotions with your son or daughter. Do you think your daughter will hear a word you’re saying in the middle of a tantrum or that your son will be able to stop and be rational when he’s beet red with anger?

The best time to talk about emotions is when your children are calm. Reassure them that feelings of anger are normal. It’s okay to admit that you get angry sometimes, too, and then, ask what’s making them feel angry.

It can be really helpful for both you and your child if you can learn about what presses their buttons and what causes immediate reactions. Is your daughter an exploder who vents like Mount Vesuvius only to cool down once she’s through? Or is your son a brooder who hoards bad feelings behind a mask until the dam bursts?

You might be able to help you children figure out what their hot buttons are by mentioning that you noticed that they seemed to get angry when…(you fill in the blank). Or if your sweet, calm child suddenly starts hitting someone, you might be able to help them take a walk back in time to figure out what the cause for the impromptu boxing match was.

Encouraging your children to tap into their Internal Guidance System (IGS) is a great way to help. Using their IGS, they can remember how it felt to bear the brunt of someone else’s tirade. They can feel how different responses might’ve had a completely different result.

It’s important for your kid to know that it’s not healthy to repress their anger. You don’t want your children to turn their anger inwards. If they do that, they may appear to be happy to others while they grow more depressed or sullen. This isn’t good for anyone.

Instead, you need to present them with safe ways to vent their anger. There are a variety of tools that can work, but you need to experiment and learn what works for your child as a unique individual. Some of these suggestions will work in different situations, too, so it’s good to have a couple tricks up your sleeve:

The primal scream is a popular solution for venting anger or frustration. It isn’t necessarily pleasant for others to be around and it can be quite startling if you’re in one part of the house and you suddenly hear screams coming from your child’s room. However, the silent version is actually just as effective for most people. Teach them to allow their face, hands, and body react exactly as they would with a loud scream -- just without the sound. This is a good choice if you can get behind a closed door, even if that door is a stall in the school bathroom.

The act of hitting can also relieve a lot of anger. Of course, you don’t want your children to hit themselves or others, but you might have a punching bag where they can direct their anger. Soft bats can be used too, but be sure to set up ground rules about what and where any bludgeoning device – no matter how soft - can be used.

Yet physical activity is still one of the best releases for anger. Running or splashing about in the pool are great examples where anger can be vented without hurting anyone.

Expressing anger verbally, but calmly, is a great skill that can be developed, too. Your children learn that it’s okay to tell you that they’re angry, that how they handle it is important, and that talking about it sooner rather than later is better than letting the anger fester.

Be the best anger management example you can be, but be human about it. If you lose your temper in front of your child, be willing to apologize. Use your anger as a moment of growth for both of you. You can even discuss other ways you could have handled your anger better and how those choices would have felt to each of you.

When your child learns to accept that everyone experiences anger, but knows that it’s possible to control that anger rather than be at the mercy of the emotion, then you’re raising a child who can manage their anger in healthy ways.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Teaching Kids That It’s OK to Avoid Toxic People

One of the lessons that parents tend to drill into their children’s heads is to be polite and respectful of others. In most cases, this is an important lesson and skill for kids to learn.

Of course, you can also teach them that they don’t have to be overly polite to everyone.

You already teach them to avoid strangers, whether it’s the mantra from when I was growing up, “Don’t talk to strangers” or today’s “Stranger Danger.” 

What you shouldn’t forget is that there are some people who aren’t strangers that are more beneficial to avoid.

It’s important for everyone to recognize that people just can’t get along with every other human being on the planet.

Just because you don’t have anything in common with them or they merely “rub you the wrong way,” it doesn’t mean that you should completely avoid them -- even if you could.

There are clearly times when it’s impossible to avoid them because that person that you find so irritating is your boss, the spouse of your best friend, or the person next door. In these instances, you learn how to be polite and get along with others, perhaps try to find something you have in common with them, or just learn how to disentangle yourself from their presence quickly and tactfully.

Then there are people who have beliefs and opinions that are diametrically opposed to your own. It’s a great skill to learn how to respectfully listen to others. Often, by hearing the other person out, you’ll broaden your own horizons and have a greater understanding of the topic at hand. In some cases, you may even have a new awareness that leads you to modifying or changing your opinion or behavior.

Listening and calmly discussing different ideas can be a great tool. You probably already use these skills when talking with family members as well as in our professional lives. People who are very skilled at listening and weighing both sides of a situation are often sought out as counsel, whether formally or on a casual basis.

But then there are people who are just plain toxic. How do you know if someone just is different or irritating, or if they are truly toxic?

One of the best ways is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Pay attention to how you feel when that person is around. How do other people react in their presence? Is your discomfort merely because they have different opinions than you do or because they look different to you? Or do you feel a pattern of turmoil surrounding this individual?

If your IGS is sending out warning signs that you should steer clear of this person, pay attention. Your IGS is probably picking up on subtle clues that your conscious mind is not.

Toxic people often leave behind a wake of destruction. They may thrive on drama, even stirring up fights between people. Or they may be very needy and take lots of time and energy, draining you without ever being there when you could use a hand.

It isn’t always easy to avoid toxic people, especially if he or she is a family member, coworker, teacher or classmate. If your child can’t entirely avoid the toxic person, help them to set boundaries. By setting boundaries and remaining true to themselves, your child will remain in control rather than allowing themselves to become a victim swept up into the toxic person’s vortex.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Photography as a Metaphor for Manifesting Your Ideal Life

Photographers are visual artists. Using a camera, their brain, and their creative eye, they select a scene and take a photograph of that scene to share with the rest of the world. You can do that with your life as well, choosing what you want to show to the world and what you do not. 

Some people think that a photographer is merely documenting events or places.

That is only partially true.

The image may be true and accurate, but it never tells the entire story because a photograph is only part of the bigger picture.

What is outside the frame of the camera lens may be less interesting or it may actually be more interesting. You as the viewer may never know. The photographer tells a story, albeit an incomplete one, choosing what to relay to the viewer and what details to leave out.

Photographers often manipulate the images as well, so that even though they started off as an accurate representation of something, it may be no closer to the original truth than a dream by the time it is shown to the viewer. Whether the photographer was documenting an event or creating something completely original, the end result is always something uniquely their own.

You can take a cue from the photographer. You are in control over what others see and know of your life. You can tell a story that you want others to know and leave out details that you do not deem important or interesting. You can also embellish your story so it bears no resemblance to the facts of your life.

Some people might consider this lying and believe that not telling the absolute truth is wrong. Others will say they are making positive affirmations, declaring their desired life into existence, and that is a good thing.

Who is right?

To answer that question, you must check in with your feelings. How does the statement feel? How do you feel when you are being deceitful, attempting to fool someone for personal gain? How do you feel when someone purposely deceives you, tries to take advantage of you? That doesn’t feel good, does it? Does this statement feel like that?

On the other hand, how do you feel when someone tells you about their latest promotion at work or the wonderful person they met? Do you suspect they are not telling the entire truth, or do you feel their joy? Does the statement feel hope-filled, positive, or optimistic?

You can take any situation and decide how you are going to frame it and present it to the world, just like the photographer. If you want to land your dream job, which photographs would you show a prospective employer? Would you show them the images of work you are most proud of or the tasks you did that you felt bad about?

Showing your best to the world is not the same as being false, unless you feel like you are being false. Appreciate the beauty in the snapshots you display. Believe in them. Know the power of your thoughts and feelings to create your reality. Accept in your heart that you have a “photogenic” life and you will manifest the life of your dreams.

For more on using the Universal Law of Attraction, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Shifting Our Thinking Creates Heaven on Earth

Many people think of Heaven as a reward for life here on Earth. Some even believe that in order to receive that reward, our life here must be difficult. What if you can actually have “Heaven on Earth”? 

When you are open to all the possibilities in life, then you are in a blissful state of mind.

That is what Heaven is, so surely you can consciously set out to achieve that goal.

The shortest, fastest pathway to bliss is to have fun.

Your self-talk plays an important role in whether or not you are going to experience fun.

When there is a task before you, how do you think and feel about it? Listen to how you describe what you are doing or going to do. Do you say to yourself and to others that you “have” to do this? Do you feel like the task is a heavy weight, bearing down on your shoulders?

It doesn’t feel very good when you think you have to do something. How much better does it feel when you get to do something?

Do you think fun is your treat for working hard or accomplishing an unpleasant task? Rather than reserving fun as a reward, how about shifting your thinking to make every task fun?

To shift your thinking about the tasks you must do, think about the things you enjoy doing. What are the activities that you refer to as “getting” to do? What about those activities makes them fun for you?

In order to manifest what you want in life, you need to be in a place of allowing. You are far from a state of allowing when you feel burdened and impressed upon. It all boils down to this: you want to be having fun with everything that you are doing.

Let go of the idea that “work” must be dull, boring, or difficult. Be open to the idea that it can be exciting, stimulating, interesting, and fun. Now, go back to the thought of the activities that you enjoy. What can you take from those activities and apply to make your “work” activities fun?

You can manifest Heaven on Earth by shifting your thinking. Make a conscious decision that whatever you are going to do, it is going to be fun.

The task may be one of your own choosing, something you have been directed to do by a boss, teacher, or family member. It could be a significant task or something quite mundane. Regardless of the source or scope of the task, choose to have fun.

For more, visit SharonBallantine.com.

Keeping Company with the Law of Attraction

There is an old saying, which the majority of us have heard: “You are known by the company you keep.”

Although most people like to disregard this old-fashioned remark, there is a lot of truth behind the saying. 

Chances are likely that you and your friends are much alike. You probably share some of the same interests and have the same general outlook on life. 

You likely also act very much the same, whether in a private or public setting.

If you think about the people in your life, you will see that this is true. You may be wondering why.

The Law of Attraction explains this question for us. Like energies attract one another.

If you are a certain way, you are going to attract other people who behave similarly to you. This would explain why it seems people run in crowds of like-minded people. While this can be a great thing, it can also create conflict.

Being known by the company you keep can be a great thing if you are a positive individual who works hard at bettering yourself and generally behaves well in society. With this being the case, you will attract other positive individuals who also work hard and behave themselves in a positive manner. People will look upon you in a positive way and good things will come your way.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, this can create negativity for you. If you are a negative person who believes they will never receive anything of worth in their lives (because the world is against them), you will be associated with those same type people. Instead of increasing your positive energy, your friends will be increasing your negative energy. People will look upon you in a negative way and nothing you want will come your way.

However, our energy is not set in stone. If you take a look around you and notice only negative people, you need to take a better look at the energy you are personally producing.

Working at becoming a more positive person can drastically improve your life. In time, the negative people will fall away from your life and replaced with positive people. Those positive people will help only to lift you up, and you will be happy to be known by the company you keep.

Physical Well-Being and the Law of Attraction

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.” - Mary Lou Retton

Research has discovered the power of positive thought. The power of the Universal Law of Attraction so aptly summarized in the quote by Olympics Gold Medal Winner Mary Lou Retton, is a true aid to managing stress and optimizing your physical well being . 

It should come as no surprise that positive thoughts can help us get and stay healthy.

Empirical research has found that there are many positive health benefits associated with positive thinking and optimistic attitudes.

The Mayo Clinic found that positive thinking is linked to a wide range of health benefits including:

• Better psychological health 
• Increased sense of well-being 
• Lower depressions rates
• Reduced stress
• Longer life span
• Better stress management and coping skills
• Lower risks of cardiovascular disease-related death
• Increased resistance to the common cold

In a study of 1,550 older adults, the results showed that positive thinking also reduced frailty in the geriatric population.

How can you help yourself to think positive thoughts?  One of the first steps to take is to learn to pay attention to your own self-talk. When you do this, do you encourage and find the things you like best about yourself? Or are you self-sabotaging and focusing on everything you dislike about yourself?  Begin intentionally focusing on good things, good words and good feelings about who you are.

Affirmations can be a useful tool to begin shifting your focus from negative thoughts and self-talk to positive thoughts and self-talk. Write several positive statements about yourself or about your life. Keep it simple. Maybe you love your hair or you love your ability to help other people.  Once you begin looking for positive things about yourself, you will start to discover more and more things you like.

Keep an affirmations journal where you can write down your positive thoughts.  If you are having difficulty coming up with something positive to say to yourself, read through your journal and reflect on all the positive things you have already written and focus on one of those entries for the day.

Search online for affirmation or buy a book of affirmations. As you read them, notice which ones really feel good when you read them. Think about why they feel good. Do they fit you now or do they feel good because the affirmation is something you really want to be a part of your life in the future?

No matter what, affirmations can help you stay in a place of happiness. They may help you become healthy if you aren’t, or stay healthy because you will be lifting your mood. You will be allowing your body to heal and work optimally to protect you from disease.

The Universal Law of Attraction and Dreaming

According to the law of attraction, what we attract from the universe is whatever we are emitting as a vibration by how we are feeling. Our dreams and visions use symbols and literal images to provide us one more way to understand those things we are focusing on. 

What about premonitions?  Not everything we see in dreams or premonitions feel good or positive. Some are frightening or scary.

Our subconscious mind is connected to the universal energy source.

We continually learn ways of translating the information we receive from this universal energy source so that we can understand, apply and use it.

However, when we receive this type of information energy and knowledge, we filter it with our own fears and ideas about what it means.

When we rely on our internal guidance system, we choose things that feel good. When we try to interpret our dreams or visions, we need to filter the information through love. When we filter information based on fear, we are focusing on the negative elements of the dream, giving energy to the very things we do not want.

Sometimes negative dreams help us recognize that we are actually thinking about the lack of something rather than focusing on the things we really want. When we filter information through love, our dreams and visions give us encouragement and peace.

It often strengthens relationships with others.  Choose to interpret your dreams and visions in the most positive, life-giving way so that they feel good to you.

Here are some tips for how to use your dreams to create the reality you want for your life.

1. Start a Dream Journal. Record all you can remember about each dream you have, especially regarding the things you want. Note how the dream made you feel.
   
   If thinking about what you want in the dream feels good, then the chances are high that you are focusing on your true wants and desires. If your dream feels bad and causes you concern, you should follow your IGS.
   
   Take it as a sign that you may be focusing on the wrong things or the lack of something, rather than what you truly want.


2. Be grateful for the guidance you receive from your dreams. Welcome the knowledge you gain from interpreting your dream through love.
 
3. Ask for a happy dream about what you desire as you are preparing to sleep. Do this every night. It often helps to stimulate a helpful dream, or a dream that provides guidance.


4. Take what you learn from recording and analyzing your dreams to create the reality you want. Focus on the feelings your dreams produce in you and use those feelings to help you focus in on what you really want.