Your Health is the Best Gift You Can Give Your Family

The holidays are approaching, so your gift list is likely long, seems to grow longer every day, and you want to give your family presents that will bring them joy. After all, it’s so much fun to see huge grins on the faces of your children when they open up the perfect presents.

As much fun as it can be to give tangible gifts, the very best gift you can give your family is health -- your health.

You know that the best way to be healthy is to make healthy food choices, move your body, and get enough rest. 

You encourage these behaviors in your children, but do you set the proper example? If you truly want your children to be healthy, then it’s important that you take your own health seriously and make it a priority.

While there are no guarantees that having healthy habits will enable you to live to your 100^th birthday, your healthy habits will help you live a longer and happier life. You’ll have a better chance of seeing your children grow up, get married, and have children of their own.

That sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Well, on top of that, by setting a healthy example for your kids, you actually improve the chances that they will live long, healthy lives as well.

When you set your health as a priority, you send an important message to your family and others. The message is that you matter. You’re important. You deserve health. You deserve to be fit. You deserve to feel good for no reason other than that. Just because.

This is a powerful message for children to hear and absorb. As much as you can tell your children how important it is to take care of themselves, children are less likely to take that message seriously if they don’t see it demonstrated.

The most important people in most children’s lives are their parents. They watch and listen to what they say, but it isn’t just a parent’s words that children pick up on. They hear and see everything; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

It isn’t easy to fit being healthy into your schedule. Life gets busy. Not only you a parent, but maybe you work full-time outside of the home. It’s possible you have other obligations as well. Maybe you have your own parents to look after or are a volunteer with a group or committee.

Your children will be busy people, too. Rather than demonstrating that other people and other groups come first, consider shifting your priorities, try to demonstrate that a person should take care of themselves first.

In business, it used to be that everyone focused on the customer or client. The customer was always right. The client came first.

Today, some powerful people in business are realizing that policy isn’t the best practice after all. They’re instead stating that employees should come first.

Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients.        

~Richard Branson

Similarly, you may have been taught that you have to put your children first. You might consider turning this thought around as well. When you take care of yourself first, you can take care of the children because you’ve taken the time to take care of yourself first.

Anyone who’s flown on an airplane is familiar with the safety directions the attendants provide at the beginning of each flight. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, put your own mask on first. Then you can help your child. What good are you to your kids if you’ve passed out from a lack of oxygen?

By setting the example of how important it is to take care of yourself, you set your entire family up for healthier lives. You allow them to see that it’s okay for them to put their own health on the top of the priority list. They learn to incorporate healthy habits into their daily routine and see that doing so provides the energy and vitality to function at their very best. 

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

What Do You Tell Your Kids When Serious Illness Strikes?

One of the hardest things a family has to face is the serious illness of a loved one. It can be hard to decide when it comes to telling your kids-- in terms of how much you tell them and how much information you omit. Are you protecting them by not telling them the whole story? Will your kids be angry if you don’t tell them and the situation gets worse? How can you deal with your own fears and emotions along with those of your children?

There is no single right way to handle these situations. So much depends on the specifics, especially with your children being unique individuals. What you tell one child may be different from what you tell another. .

So how do you know how much information to share?

One of the best tools you have is your Internal Guidance System (IGS). By tapping into your IGS, you can have a better understanding regarding the impact on each individual involved.

In some cases, you may decide that not telling your children is the right answer. And it might be. Try tapping into your IGS and ask yourself a few questions before making this decision.

·         How would you feel if you were a child and the information was kept from you?

·         How would you feel when you learned about it later?

·         What if you never got to see someone again because they died as a result of the undisclosed illness?

·         If everything worked out and they fully recovered, would knowing the situation have made it easier or more difficult?

If you decide to tell your children what’s happening to their family member, you still have many questions to ask yourself. Check with your IGS and get support whenever possible as you decide just how much information to share.

Of course, you may want to consult with doctors, who can also help guide you in what to say in age-appropriate language. Depending on the situation and your family, you may call upon friends, extended family, clergy, or support groups to help during a difficult time.

Think about how your children process information and their emotions. If possible, have some tools available that’ll help them process what they’re hearing and be able to take comfort in. This may be a favorite toy, crayons, a journal to write in, or even a means to talk to experts or other people who’ve been through the situation already.

Some kids will have lots of questions and sometimes questions will flow right away. Other kids may take the news in silently. They may need time to process the information. After that, the questions may come later in trickles or like a flash flood.

Since you want to protect your children, there’s often a tendency to dismiss the gravity of a situation. You want to tell your kids that everything will be okay.

For this reason, it’s good to remember that your kids are sensitive to your words, but they can read your body language, too, and they feel your vibration, as well. Even if your words tell them there’s nothing to worry about, they might pick up on YOUR worry and copy the emotion as a result. If your words and vibration don’t match up, they’ll know something is wrong and this may cause them to feel confused. This can create even more fear than knowing the truth.

Possibly even worse than your children feeling like you’re withholding information from them, what happens if your loved one dies? How will your children feel if you tell them everything will be okay and then suddenly their world is turned upside down?

Hopefully, your family is safe and healthy, but as hard as it is, illness and death are a part of every family. Scary as this may be, the best decision may be to admit that you don’t know how things will turn out. You can be supportive and reassuring without lying to your kids.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Trick or Treat: Opportunity of a Lifetime or a Big Risk?

Fear is a natural human response to stress and stress is often spoken of as if it’s a four-letter word to be avoided at all costs.

In actuality, stress occurs for many reasons. Stress can rear its ugly head during happy events, too,  and isn’t a bad thing at all. You can feel stress before your wedding day, when your kids are born, and many times, during school or work.

Even though these are stressful events, you’ll most likely still look back and admit that these things were the happiest days of your life.

You can help your kids by encouraging them to understand stress and fear. Try to provide them the means to deal with those emotions so it doesn’t cause them to avoid times that might be stressful, but happy at the same time. 

In caveman days, a person’s biggest stressors were truly life or death situations. Was that noise caused by something lurking behind that big tree that wants to turn you into a Happy Meal? That’s quite a bit more stressful than a cell phone battery dying. Intense fear is a very rational response to being hunted.

Fear causes a natural fight or flight reaction in the body. You can see this response in other animals as well. A rabbit will often freeze in its tracks, hoping to avoid detection. But if a rabbit believes that a predator has seen it, it will take off immediately, exhibiting the classic “flight” reaction.

Watch the family cat in a threatening situation. The cat will most likely bare its teeth, hiss, and swat at the offender, even though said offender is a much larger and stronger animal. This is the “fight” response in action.

Humans have the same reactions to stressful situations. Within your brain is an area called the amygdala and this is where the fight or flight response begins, ultimately sending hormones throughout your body. Some people will react like the rabbit, others like the cat. Most people can behave either way depending on the circumstances.

Fortunately, most of your stressful, scary situations are no longer life-threatening. Unfortunately, the amygdala is the most primitive part of your brain and in some ways, it hasn’t adjusted to modern life. That means it can’t tell the difference between different types of stress. Instead, it treats them all the same, as if your life is in literally in danger. Your body can become flooded with stress hormones, causing your heart to race and psychologically, you might want to flee or gear up for a battle.

Fear can then hold you back or keep you safe, even today. You’re given opportunities that also hold great risk. Whether you’re looking at investing your money in the stock market or into a new business, there’s a chance you could either strike it rich or fall on your face.

Imagine you’re offered a new job -- the dream job you always wanted. How exciting, right? Now imagine that new job happens to be with a different employer in an entirely new state. This means you have to uproot your family and relocate. That’s pretty stressful!

In the face of something like that, some people will freeze from fear and turn the job down. They’re running away, like the rabbit. They quickly decide that they can’t handle the change, so they stay put. Other people will jump at the chance, ready to take on the battles that lie ahead.

Neither of these responses are inherently right or wrong. The best response is to overcome your primitive brain and think about what you want, connecting with how your choices feel.

Many performers report that they feel fear before every show. For them, a certain level of “butterflies” should be celebrated -- it means they haven’t become complacent and recognize that they can still do their best while experiencing a little fear.

You can consider whether you’re allowing fear to hold you back or to keep you safe. Tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) and evaluate how you feel. Try to recognize the fear and use the recognition to calm the primitive fear.

From there, you can start to discover the risks versus the rewards and where your personal tolerance level lies. You can recognize when the fear you’re feeling is a sign that you’re alive and excited like the performer. Your IGS will also help you identify when the fear is warning you away from taking action.

Your kids will have stress in life, too. They’ll worry about an upcoming exam, have to ask someone to the prom, or decide what college to attend. Later, they’ll need to use their IGS to decide which job offer to accept. But some adults, who weren’t counseled properly as children, may find it hard to even get out and go on job interviews!

If you remind your children to listen to their own IGS, you can help them to take advantage of stressful opportunities that are normal and important. They might completely miss out on some of the good things in life just because they never learned to control normal stress. Try to help kids to look inside and to conquer their fears when they’re young. If you do, they’ll be able to handle the stresses that are normal to a happy adult life.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Healthy Kids Come in All Shapes and Sizes

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that there’s another article or news report about how unhealthy your children are. Yet while it’s true that obesity and diabetes are increasing at a staggering rate in the U.S., that doesn’t mean that all kids are unhealthy and that you need to have a knee-jerk reaction to your children based on a superficial idea of what being healthy looks like.

Children who are lean tend to be viewed as healthy, whereas kids who are not are often perceived as being unhealthy. This isn’t necessarily so - body shape isn’t an indication of health at all.

It’s important for parents and kids to realize the health doesn’t have one look. Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

Some kids are “all knees and elbows” and are naturally thin. Others are stocky and sturdy. Looking at your children’s physical appearances can help you to assess a certain level of health. When you’re an objective observer, you can notice changes that may be indications that you should be concerned. After all, you likely see your children every day. Really seeing your kids so you can be alert to significant changes is key, but it’s not all you should be taking into consideration.

You should also look beyond physical appearance to determine if your child is really healthy or actually at risk.

Parents often encourage children who are thin to eat more, but if your children are naturally thin, this may not be necessary and could only cause undue mealtime drama. Most healthy children will eat enough to fuel their bodies at the level that makes them comfortable.

If your children seem to suddenly lose their appetite or if they never eat any fruit or vegetables, then you might have a legitimate concern. However, consider that this may be your son or daughter’s natural weight and it’s nothing to worry about -- as they age, their bodies may change and fill out.

On the other hand, parents of kids who are on the stockier side often attempt to restrict calories. However, the majority of kids don’t need to be placed on diets. If you struggled with your weight as a child or if you’re very weight conscious now, be aware that you may be projecting your own body image onto your children.

Forcing children to lose weight or focus too much on being thinner at a young age can set them up for years of struggling with their own body image issues. Again, be willing to consider that this may be a healthy weight for your son or daughter. Their stocky build may disappear when they go through a growth spurt or it may be that they’re simply going to retain this physical attribute and weigh more than their contemporaries.

How can you know if you should be concerned in the first place? First, look beyond a number on a scale. Health is more than just weight. Are your children physically active? Do they breathe hard or have difficulty moving? These are signs that are more important than weight in the end.

Of course, you may consult with your pediatrician to be sure that they don’t have any health concerns. Having a professional opinion can help balance out any personal biases you may have, whether they’re about weight, food, or physical activity.

Another way to help you know that you’re accurately seeing your children and assessing their health is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). As much as you love your children and want what’s best for them, it can be difficult for you to look at them objectively. Due to your own issues, you may be overly concerned with your kids’ weight. You may overlook a weight problem because they look like you did as a kid or because we love them “just the way they are.” Loving your kids no matter what is great, but you do them a disservice when you ignore warning signs that their health is in danger.

This is why your IGS can be such a powerful tool. When you tap into your inner wisdom, you cut away your biases and feel the truth of the matter. You can evaluate whether your children are eating too little or too much. Your IGS will help us recognize when your kids are in need of encouragement to make healthier eating choices or to be more active. It will also help you to know the best way to give that encouragement.

The bottom line is you want your kids to be healthy. You can help them and encourage them, but you need to remember that healthy kids come in all shapes in sizes. Look at the variety of body shapes in the Olympics and other sporting events. Some people naturally bulk up while others can be strong and look quite thin. Different body types often lead to different athletic abilities -- think of a sprinter versus an endurance runner. Both are healthy and yet their bodies look quite different. It’s up to your kids to decide which they are.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Preventing Childhood Obesity

More than half of American adults are clinically obese. Worse yet, an increasing number of children are obese. This isn’t simply a matter of being “chubby” or having “a little baby fat” either – I’m talking about kids who are getting diseases because of excess body fat that was previously only seen in adults.

In the movie Philomena, an English woman comes to the United States in her search for her now-grown child whom she was forced to give up as a pregnant young girl many years earlier.

Philomena worries about many things. Will her son think she rejected him? Will he wonder why she took so long to find him? Will he even want to meet her?

She wonders what her son will be like and who he has grown up to become. Suddenly, in a moment of panic she asks, “What if he is obese?”

This is a small scene, and it causes laughter in the audience, but she points out that American portions are so large that obesity is a very plausible result.

The sad truth is that obesity is a major health challenge for many countries in the world. While the percentage of obese children is lower than that of adults, the rate of increase for obesity is actually greater in kids than adults in the US.

There is a social stigma in being overweight and even more so for those who are truly obese. Fat kids get teased more and have more issues with depression and isolation. In addition to the emotional and social issues obese kids face, they face severe physical health challenges now and in their future.

Children who are obese are much more likely to become obese adults. Unfortunately, the social, emotional, and physical challenges faced by kids don’t go away just because they grow up.

The best time to prevent childhood obesity is early in your kids’ lives.  It’s important for you as a parent to be actively involved in your children’s health. This doesn’t mean that you lecture your kids about eating healthy foods or exercising -- kids don’t listen to words as much as they follow your example.

That means you have to walk the walk before you talk about it. You have to make healthy food choices for yourself as much as your kids and you have to exercise. In order to get your kids interested in the latter, you may even have to come up with fun and creative ways to get them to join you.

And not every person is a natural athlete. That’s okay -- the good news is that you don’t have to be and neither do your kids.

All young animals play and your children are the same in that respect. You can encourage that physical activity over sitting in front of the television or computer. Rather than shooing your kids out the door to get some fresh air and play, you may need to take a more proactive role if your kids have developed a habit of not moving.

Check out opportunities in your area where your entire family can get moving. Consider enrolling in a class or joining the local pool. Go for walks in the neighborhood or hikes in local parks. Try rock climbing or gymnastics. Try a variety of activities so that every family member can discover some things they enjoy and are good at. More importantly, let every family member choose an activity so they know they have a say in the matter.

Talk about healthy food too. Let your kids help with making the meals. If you have a yard, planting even a small vegetable garden may be the trick to help kids eat more veggies.

And don’t skip out on the vegetables either -- eat healthy meals with your kids. This doesn’t mean that you have to have a “perfect” diet. It’s okay to let yourself, and your kids, have some treats now and then. Use the 80-20 rule for food: if your family eats healthy foods in healthy proportions 80% of the time, then you can have pizza and ice cream (or whatever your favorite less-than-healthy food choice is) 20% of the time.

With a background in moving their bodies and healthy eating, your kids are more likely to retain at least some of their healthy habits as they get older.

That in mind, they’ll no doubt rebel at some point and may turn to more junk food than you’d like, or they may take up a sedentary hobby that makes it more challenging to get in exercise. When this happens, continue to be the healthy example without preaching to them.

Show them that you make time to get in YOUR exercise and talk about how good you feel as a result. Help them to tap into how their body feels when they’re being active versus when they’re not.

The best gift you can give your kids is their health. It isn’t entirely up to you, but if you follow the suggestions I’ve outlined, your kids have a better shot at being healthy children and adults. Not only that, but by being active together as a family, you’ll have a bond that is more than skin deep.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Helping Kids Manage Anger

No one enjoys being around an angry person and no one likes to catch the brunt of someone’s temper. Yet everyone gets angry from time to time and you want your children to be able to express his or her feelings. So how can you help them to recognize and express their anger in a healthy way that doesn’t alienate everyone around them?

It’s important for you to deal with negative emotions such as anger in a way that is appropriate for your child’s age. You shouldn’t expect him or her to be able to have the same kind of rationalization you’d expect from an adult.

In the same way, you can raise your expectations when your kids are preteens and teenagers. What might’ve been accepted or tolerated when they were five just doesn’t cut it when they’re fifteen.

Even though you’ll likely modify your expectations and how you address the emotions with your children as they mature, don’t talk down to them just because of their age.

Human beings are blessed with an incredible array of emotions from intense anger and despair to the heights of happiness. No one can flip a switch and turn off their emotions and you really shouldn’t try to do that. What you can do is to modify how you express your emotions. This is important for you to remember as an adult and extremely important for you to convey to your children.

“Timing is everything,” as the saying goes. This especially true when you’re discussing emotions with your son or daughter. Do you think your daughter will hear a word you’re saying in the middle of a tantrum or that your son will be able to stop and be rational when he’s beet red with anger?

The best time to talk about emotions is when your children are calm. Reassure them that feelings of anger are normal. It’s okay to admit that you get angry sometimes, too, and then, ask what’s making them feel angry.

It can be really helpful for both you and your child if you can learn about what presses their buttons and what causes immediate reactions. Is your daughter an exploder who vents like Mount Vesuvius only to cool down once she’s through? Or is your son a brooder who hoards bad feelings behind a mask until the dam bursts?

You might be able to help you children figure out what their hot buttons are by mentioning that you noticed that they seemed to get angry when…(you fill in the blank). Or if your sweet, calm child suddenly starts hitting someone, you might be able to help them take a walk back in time to figure out what the cause for the impromptu boxing match was.

Encouraging your children to tap into their Internal Guidance System (IGS) is a great way to help. Using their IGS, they can remember how it felt to bear the brunt of someone else’s tirade. They can feel how different responses might’ve had a completely different result.

It’s important for your kid to know that it’s not healthy to repress their anger. You don’t want your children to turn their anger inwards. If they do that, they may appear to be happy to others while they grow more depressed or sullen. This isn’t good for anyone.

Instead, you need to present them with safe ways to vent their anger. There are a variety of tools that can work, but you need to experiment and learn what works for your child as a unique individual. Some of these suggestions will work in different situations, too, so it’s good to have a couple tricks up your sleeve:

The primal scream is a popular solution for venting anger or frustration. It isn’t necessarily pleasant for others to be around and it can be quite startling if you’re in one part of the house and you suddenly hear screams coming from your child’s room. However, the silent version is actually just as effective for most people. Teach them to allow their face, hands, and body react exactly as they would with a loud scream -- just without the sound. This is a good choice if you can get behind a closed door, even if that door is a stall in the school bathroom.

The act of hitting can also relieve a lot of anger. Of course, you don’t want your children to hit themselves or others, but you might have a punching bag where they can direct their anger. Soft bats can be used too, but be sure to set up ground rules about what and where any bludgeoning device – no matter how soft - can be used.

Yet physical activity is still one of the best releases for anger. Running or splashing about in the pool are great examples where anger can be vented without hurting anyone.

Expressing anger verbally, but calmly, is a great skill that can be developed, too. Your children learn that it’s okay to tell you that they’re angry, that how they handle it is important, and that talking about it sooner rather than later is better than letting the anger fester.

Be the best anger management example you can be, but be human about it. If you lose your temper in front of your child, be willing to apologize. Use your anger as a moment of growth for both of you. You can even discuss other ways you could have handled your anger better and how those choices would have felt to each of you.

When your child learns to accept that everyone experiences anger, but knows that it’s possible to control that anger rather than be at the mercy of the emotion, then you’re raising a child who can manage their anger in healthy ways.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Do You Allow Your Kids’ Bliss Flow or Rein It In?

The Law of Attraction teaches you to “follow your bliss” and to allow your kids follow theirs. At some point, a parent who applies the Law of Attraction (LOA) in their life have experienced a conflict with this teaching. You want to allow your children to be on their path, to be happy, and to follow what pleases them, but at the same time, you may have some desire for your children conform to adult rules and expectations.

You’ve probably had an experience where you’ve gone to dinner at a restaurant, only to have your pleasant evening interrupted by a youngster happily tearing all over the place.

He or she is clearly living in the moment and experiencing great joy. You however, aren’t enjoying their exuberance.

So what’s the right course of action?

You know that you’re responsible for your own feelings. It’s impossible for other people to make you be angry or upset. So why’s this child’s behavior in question? Isn’t it your responsibility to raise YOUR vibration?

This of course, is merely an example the conflict experienced between bliss and rules that you’ll experience while raising children. The exact situation will vary and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice resolving this conflict.

First, it’ll be important for you to be able to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Sometimes it can be difficult to be objective as a parent or a bystander in these situations. Your IGS will help you remove yourself a bit from the situation and help you see how others might view it.

Another important factor will be specifics related to your individual children. Knowing who your children are is essential in knowing how to best respond to any given situation. After all, every child is different.

Encouraging your children to follow their bliss doesn’t mean that you should allow them to disrupt the joy of others. This is where your IGS can be so helpful. Your IGS helps you to be empathetic to others, to feel what they’re going through, and that might include irritation over the antics of your children.

There are times where you need to parent your children in order to rein in their exuberance. You can learn ways to channel their energy and you can choose opportunities that allow them to be wild and crazy and yet steer clear of situations where their hyperactivity might be uncomfortable for everyone present.

As a parent, it’s important to remember that your joy is as important as your kids’ joy. You have to learn to put yourself first in this regard. When you allow your children’s happiness to be more important than your own, you actually do them a disservice.

When you’re happy, your children will feel that. When you’re not, they’ll feel that as well. If they’re doing something fun that makes you uncomfortable, they’ll likely pick up on that as well. This’ll cause them to distrust their own IGS and result in children who are disconnected, either lacking in empathy for others or unable to identify what their bliss truly is.

Listen to your Internal Guidance System. It’ll help you to know what the best response in any precise moment is; how to allow your children to follow their joy while you maintain your sanity and respect bystanders as well.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

The Family that Laughs Together Stays Healthier Together

Laughter is universal. All around the world, people of all ages, nationalities, races, and religions laugh. Unlike words or hand gestures that often have different meanings, laughing is recognized as happiness across the globe.

It’s actually healthy for people to laugh. The human brain reacts to the sound in much the same way as it does when you meditate, so if you’re experiencing difficulty meditating, take up laughter instead.

You can incorporate laughter into your daily life with your entire family.

Children are especially good at this -- as long as adults haven’t gotten in the way. Let your children remind you how good it feels to laugh.

Encourage laughter and play. It’s good for your spirit too, and as it turns out, it’s also medically beneficial for your heart.

Scientists haven’t figured out exactly how, but researchers at the University of Maryland’s Medical Center have found that people with heart disease were “40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease.”

It seems then that laughter is indeed the best medicine.

People who are seriously ill are often encouraged to laugh. In some cases, the positive energy of laughter seems to have completely healed the patient. Is there a guarantee that this will work? No, but even laughing doesn’t literally save their lives. Instead, the lives they have are better because of it. In addition to being fun and uplifting for their spirit, one of the documented health benefits of laughter is pain relief.

Yet laughter is not just for those who are ill. It can help you prevent illness and lift your spirit no matter what health situation is. Laughing reduces stress and it helps your entire body -- even your brain, improving short-term memory.

When you have a full “belly laugh,” you release feel-good hormones while you increase the amount of oxygen flowing in your blood stream. Laughter helps your muscles to relax and stimulates circulation, both of which are good for body and soul.

Even babies laugh, with laughing out loud typically beginning before they’re 6 months old. The average adult laughs about 20 times per day. Young people often laugh 300 times a day, so this is definitely an area where parents can learn from their children.

Everyone’s experienced how contagious laughter can be. So gather the kids or family friends and have a laugh-in. Be willing to put aside your sense of propriety and laugh at silly things. Rent an old Laurel and Hardy or Marx Brothers film or a more modern comedy that tickles your funny bone.

Joke books can be another source of chuckles. Encourage each member of the family to learn a favorite joke to tell, although it might be an activity best reserved for after mealtime. Not during.

Have your own “America’s Funniest Videos” night, with or without the video camera. Especially if there are family members who are more sensitive or tend to feel picked on, it’s a good idea to have everyone tell stories about themselves. Even if it’s silly things they did or tried to do in the past, you could still find some humor in it.

This is a great time to learn to not take oneself too seriously. Adults sometimes need to be reminded of this and it’s a good lesson for kids to learn and take into adulthood. Let your ego go, and smile, smile, smile.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Father’s Day When Dad’s not Around

Holidays can be difficult and stressful times, largely because they’re supposed to be joyful occasions filled with family and love. This is widely recognized in December, but what about other special days earlier in the year? For example, how do you celebrate or simply survive Father’s Day when Dad isn’t in the picture?

There can be a number of reasons why the father of your children isn’t around on the third Sunday in June.

It may be that you’re a single parent due to your spouse dying, being divorced, or you just never married. Or maybe Dad’s just away because of work. Maybe he even serves in the military.

Just because Dad isn’t around, there are still a variety of ways you can celebrate the holiday or get through the day.

One of the best things you can do is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) well in advance of the holiday. Using your IGS to recognize how you’re feeling about the absence of Dad is an important step and should be done when you have some time away from your children.

By being aware of your true feelings, you’ll be able to be honest with yourself and your kids, but also be respectful of their father and the situation.

Kids are smart and they’re very sensitive to your feelings even if you think you’re hiding them well. If you try to muddle through and just camouflage your feelings, you’ll be setting up a conflict that your kids will sense even if they can’t clearly identify it.

They’ll hear your words, feel your energy, and know the two aren’t in alignment. No matter how your kids respond to this disconnect, this isn’t in their best interest. They may learn to distrust their own IGS and intuition or they may even distrust you.

Your IGS can also help you discover the best way to handle the holiday for YOUR family. Remember this isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation and the answer won’t be either. Practice some different scenarios and feel what it might be like to be your children in the situation.

Does it feel good to have another adult male present or does that feel confusing or scary; like he might be trying to take Dad’s place?

How does it feel to spend time talking about Dad and why he isn’t there in an age and situation-appropriate way? Would it feel good to celebrate with another family or to talk about why fathers are special in more general terms?

For some families, it might feel good to celebrate what being a father means and whether that role is biological or not. You can talk about why Father’s Day was created in the first place -- as a day to thank and celebrate men for loving and supporting their families in so many ways. Perhaps you celebrate with grandfathers, uncles, or other male friends.

Be prepared to allow your kids to express their feelings about Father’s Day without Dad. Help them tap into their IGS to work through those feelings. If they’re feeling angry or sad because their father isn’t around, can they use their IGS to find a way to feel better without a magic wand?

This can be a painful and difficult day for both sons and daughters, so it’ll be important to keep the communication lines open. As your children grow and mature, you may be able to share more details about why their father isn’t there.

By honoring each family member’s feelings, you can help your children through challenging holidays. You can also teach them how to be adults who love, honor, and support their own children in the future. In the meantime, you can build your own family traditions that honor your family as it is in that moment.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Strengths and Weakness Aren’t Always Obvious

It‘s important for everyone to recognize that what they see on the outside doesn’t always accurately reflect what’s going on inside. Strengths and weaknesses aren’t always apparent; when you make assumptions based on outward appearances or actions, you can often be mislead or come to inappropriate conclusions.

Sometimes a person appears to be physically strong and healthy when in reality, their body is quite frail.

In general, people who have a strong, healthy appearance are looked upon more favorably than those who appear sickly or weak. At the same time, there are certain expectations placed upon someone who seems physically fit.

What’s your reaction when you see a person who seems quite capable park their vehicle in a parking spot clearly marked for the handicapped?

Do you jump to the conclusion that they’re being dishonest and taking a spot that should go to someone who actually needs it? Do you think they’re abusing the system if they have the appropriate permits to use the space? What about people who have breathing issues like emphysema? Their handicap may not be evident on the outside, but they’re still handicapped.

On the other hand, there are people who may appear to be weak and are actually incredibly strong. When you assume that a person who’s small in stature or delicate in build is weak, you’re discounting the abilities of a huge percentage of the population.

Being physically strong doesn’t mean that you have to be built like a linebacker or have six-pack abs. Physical strength comes in all shapes and sizes -- just look at the variety of body types at the Olympic Games and think about it.

You might see proof that physical strength isn’t related to size in your own children or in their friends. Parents of children who are considered small for their age can still support their children’s desire to become athletes.

You might direct your children towards individual sports or sports that are more suited for their builds. Yet what if they have their sights on being basketball players or want to participate in other contact sports?

It might be scary for you when you imagine all the other kids dwarfing your son or daughter, but that doesn’t mean you should discourage their participation.

Listen to you Internal Guidance System (IGS) so you can know the best way to support your children. Encourage them to tap into their IGS to follow their dreams. Imagine if Russell Westbrook had allowed his height and lack of skill keep him from pursuing his dream of playing basketball. Once deemed “too short” to play ball, Westbrook grew and ultimately became a star in college ball and is now a megastar in the NBA.

There are strengths and weaknesses that aren’t physical either. These are also open to misinterpretation.

When a man cries for example, it’s often treated as a weakness. In reality, it takes great strength to be honest and open with one’s emotions. Being strong emotionally is often seen as a positive trait, but it can mean not being in touch with your feelings or lacking in empathy for others. That’s clearly not something you’d encourage in your children.

Albert Einstein is an excellent and well-known example of a person who apparently had a great academic weakness. He was considered a slow learner, failed numerous exams, and by many accounts, had a bad memory. This supposed “poor student” is now recognized as one of the most brilliant minds of the 20^th century.

Clearly, whether physical, emotional, or behavioral, strengths and weaknesses aren’t always easily identified. Often what you see on the outside isn’t at all consistent with the inner truth. You want others to get to know our children for who they really are inside. We can also teach your children to be open minded and not rush to judge someone by their external appearance. Everyone wins when they look inside and give people the time to grow into their abilities.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Teaching Kids That It’s OK to Avoid Toxic People

One of the lessons that parents tend to drill into their children’s heads is to be polite and respectful of others. In most cases, this is an important lesson and skill for kids to learn.

Of course, you can also teach them that they don’t have to be overly polite to everyone.

You already teach them to avoid strangers, whether it’s the mantra from when I was growing up, “Don’t talk to strangers” or today’s “Stranger Danger.” 

What you shouldn’t forget is that there are some people who aren’t strangers that are more beneficial to avoid.

It’s important for everyone to recognize that people just can’t get along with every other human being on the planet.

Just because you don’t have anything in common with them or they merely “rub you the wrong way,” it doesn’t mean that you should completely avoid them -- even if you could.

There are clearly times when it’s impossible to avoid them because that person that you find so irritating is your boss, the spouse of your best friend, or the person next door. In these instances, you learn how to be polite and get along with others, perhaps try to find something you have in common with them, or just learn how to disentangle yourself from their presence quickly and tactfully.

Then there are people who have beliefs and opinions that are diametrically opposed to your own. It’s a great skill to learn how to respectfully listen to others. Often, by hearing the other person out, you’ll broaden your own horizons and have a greater understanding of the topic at hand. In some cases, you may even have a new awareness that leads you to modifying or changing your opinion or behavior.

Listening and calmly discussing different ideas can be a great tool. You probably already use these skills when talking with family members as well as in our professional lives. People who are very skilled at listening and weighing both sides of a situation are often sought out as counsel, whether formally or on a casual basis.

But then there are people who are just plain toxic. How do you know if someone just is different or irritating, or if they are truly toxic?

One of the best ways is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Pay attention to how you feel when that person is around. How do other people react in their presence? Is your discomfort merely because they have different opinions than you do or because they look different to you? Or do you feel a pattern of turmoil surrounding this individual?

If your IGS is sending out warning signs that you should steer clear of this person, pay attention. Your IGS is probably picking up on subtle clues that your conscious mind is not.

Toxic people often leave behind a wake of destruction. They may thrive on drama, even stirring up fights between people. Or they may be very needy and take lots of time and energy, draining you without ever being there when you could use a hand.

It isn’t always easy to avoid toxic people, especially if he or she is a family member, coworker, teacher or classmate. If your child can’t entirely avoid the toxic person, help them to set boundaries. By setting boundaries and remaining true to themselves, your child will remain in control rather than allowing themselves to become a victim swept up into the toxic person’s vortex.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.