Holidays can be
difficult and stressful times, largely because they’re supposed to be joyful
occasions filled with family and love. This is widely recognized in December,
but what about other special days earlier in the year? For example, how do you
celebrate or simply survive Father’s Day when Dad isn’t in the picture?
There can be a number of reasons why the father of your
children isn’t around on the third Sunday in June.
It may be that you’re a single parent due
to your spouse dying, being divorced, or you just never married. Or maybe Dad’s
just away because of work. Maybe he even serves in the military.
Just because Dad isn’t around, there are still a variety of
ways you can celebrate the holiday or get through the day.
One of the best things you can do is to tap into your
Internal Guidance System (IGS) well in advance of the holiday. Using your IGS
to recognize how you’re feeling about the absence of Dad is an important step
and should be done when you have some time away from your children.
By being aware of your true feelings, you’ll be able to be
honest with yourself and your kids, but also be respectful of their father and
the situation.
Kids are smart and they’re very sensitive to your feelings even
if you think you’re hiding them well. If you try to muddle through and just
camouflage your feelings, you’ll be setting up a conflict that your kids will
sense even if they can’t clearly identify it.
They’ll hear your words, feel your energy, and know the two
aren’t in alignment. No matter how your kids respond to this disconnect, this
isn’t in their best interest. They may learn to distrust their own IGS and
intuition or they may even distrust you.
Your IGS can also help you discover the best way to handle
the holiday for YOUR family. Remember this isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation and
the answer won’t be either. Practice some different scenarios and feel what it might be like to be your
children in the situation.
Does it feel good to have another adult male present or does
that feel confusing or scary; like he might be trying to take Dad’s place?
How does it feel to spend time talking about Dad and why he
isn’t there in an age and situation-appropriate way? Would it feel good to
celebrate with another family or to talk about why fathers are special in more
general terms?
For some families, it might feel good to celebrate what
being a father means and whether that role is biological or not. You can talk
about why Father’s Day was created in the first place -- as a day to thank and
celebrate men for loving and supporting their families in so many ways. Perhaps
you celebrate with grandfathers, uncles, or other male friends.
Be prepared to allow your kids to express their feelings
about Father’s Day without Dad. Help them tap into their IGS to work through
those feelings. If they’re feeling angry or sad because their father isn’t around,
can they use their IGS to find a way to feel better without a magic wand?
This can be a painful and difficult day for both sons and
daughters, so it’ll be important to keep the communication lines open. As your
children grow and mature, you may be able to share more details about why their
father isn’t there.
By honoring each family member’s feelings, you can help your
children through challenging holidays. You can also teach them how to be adults
who love, honor, and support their own children in the future. In the meantime,
you can build your own family traditions that honor your family as it is in
that moment.
For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment