Shake It Up, Baby

This is a good time of year to remember to get out of your rut and try something new. This is especially true if you find yourself shaking your head and wondering, “How did I get here?” or “Where has the time gone?”

Life is supposed to be about having fun and being creative. Sure, most people have to work for a living, but that doesn’t mean your life has to be a grind.

So if you’re tired, bored, or it just seems like life isn’t going your way, then it’s time to shake it up, baby.

Don’t think of these changes as resolutions that you have to keep.

I’m talking about having fun, not making more rules that you have to remember and follow.

So if you’re going to make it a resolution, make it something like this: “I resolve to have more fun this year.”

Shaking it up may include creating a “Bucket List” of things you want to do before you die, like in the movie of the same name, but not every goal has to be huge.

Be willing to try a variety of different activities, especially if you’re out of practice with “playtime.” You might start by writing down any idea that sounds like fun. They can be small things that take just a few minutes or longer adventures. It could be as simple and potentially silly as getting on the swing at your local park.

Having a variety is a great idea. That way when you notice you’re in a rut and having difficulty getting out of it, you can reach for your list and find something that’ll fit in the moment.

I encourage you to have fun with family and friends. If you’re a parent who’s been stuck for a while, be prepared for your spouse and kids to maybe wonder about your sanity at least at first. Be okay with that. Explain what’s going on to them and I bet that most of them will climb on board.

Just because you sit down and write a long list of activities, it might not be necessary do all of them. You don’t have to suddenly take up skydiving just because you wrote it down, but there’s no rule against that either.

While you can start at the top of the list and work your way down, I would encourage you to have more fun than that. After all, this is about shaking things up. You’re not creating another to-do list where you check off each task after it’s accomplished.

One of the best ways to help cull your list down or to determine the best things to do in the moment (with or without consulting your list) is to check with your Internal Guidance System (IGS). It’s a good indicator for determining how excited you are about doing something.

There will probably be things that bring about a neutral “eh” response while other things will be a sure “nope.” By checking in with your IGS, you’ll be able to distinguish between true disinterest in the moment and fear or hesitation because you’re climbing out of your rut.

So get on your climbing shoes and have fun.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Parenting a Special Needs Child

Parenting is not something that I would term “easy.” Joyful, certainly. Rewarding? Most definitely. But parenting has its challenges even when we are fortunate enough to have perfectly healthy children.

Parents who have a special needs child face additional challenges that most parents never have to consider.

Fortunately, there are many tools that can help all parents raise their children to live the best lives possible today.

If you have a child with special needs, you are very aware of the extra challenges that you and she face.

It is natural for parents to want to protect and fight for their children, especially when they are very young, or appear to be weaker than others.

While this is a natural response for everyone’s sake, it is important that you also take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

One of the best ways you can do this is to be sure to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) on a regular basis, and to teach the rest of your family to do so as well, to the best of their abilities.

As a parent of a special needs child, you will have many choices to make. The exact decisions will be determined by you and your child, as to what her specific needs are. Some of the common issues you will face are whether your daughter should be “mainstreamed” or in special education classes. You may also need to decide if she should be on medications or have special training or equipment to assist in her education and life skills.

No matter what the exact situation with your daughter, you will also have to face that her health will very likely cost you extra time, energy, and money. For some families, this comes at the expense of other relationships, perhaps with your spouse, your friends, or even your other children.

Some parents feel guilty that they are not giving their “special” child everything that she needs. Perhaps you have to work to pay the bills. Maybe you love your career and don’t feel like you are called to be a stay-at-home parent. Or you may stay at home and still not feel like you are doing enough, because you don’t have enough money, enough support, or the proper tools to help your daughter.

Other parents will feel guilt that they are not being “fair” to their other kids. You may be aware that more time and money is being spent on your daughter while the other kids get less attention. Or your other kids may be part of the “team” that helps care for their sister, and you worry that they are not getting to be kids themselves.

I know that you want the best for your entire family, so let us be clear about one thing: feeling guilty will not help you or any of your children.

There is no one path that is right for every family with a special needs child. So much depends on the specific circumstances you are facing.

But just because a majority of parents, who have children with the same diagnosis, follow one path does not mean that is what you should do. You need to find the right path for you. That is why it is important to tap into your IGS, which will help you to determine the best path for your family.

Take some quiet time and check in with yourself rather than always reading about how others handled their situations. How does it feel when you consider staying at your current job (or getting one, if you do not have one now)? What does your IGS indicate when you think about confronting the school administration about mainstreaming your daughter?

Your IGS can help you distinguish between your ego, feelings of guilt brought about because someone else thinks you “should” do it, and what is best for you and your daughter. You may be surprised when you feel you should let go, and when you are guided to pick up a torch. No matter what path you take, by allowing your IGS to guide you, you will have a rewarding, joyful, parenting experience and a lot less guilt.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.