If
your children were (or are) excited to get behind the wheel, this may sound
strange, but there are many teens who are actually afraid of driving. The exact
reasons for why some children are hesitant to take on this challenge aren’t
always clear. It can be especially confusing for parents when siblings and
friends are chomping at the bit to drive.
Learning how to drive in most parts of the United States is an important life skill.
There aren’t that many places that a person can live and not need to know how to drive outside of
the major cities.
Even though public transportation is more common today than
it was 10 or 20 years ago, it still isn’t the preferred method of transit for
most people.
That isn’t to say that if your children won’t be able to
function if they never learn to drive. They can thrive and have happy and
healthy lives as long as they’re willing to accept the limitations that come
along with the decision to leave the driving to someone else.
Of course, there are always at least two sides to every
decision. With the downside of not learning in mind, there are also some
upsides that you may want to consider before being overly concerned about this
decision.
The first question to ask is whether someone is making a
fully informed decision or if they’re acting out of fear. For the person who
has made a conscious choice to not drive for reasons other than fear, there may
be little that you can or even should
do to persuade them otherwise.
Learning how does not mean that one will be required to
drive either. However, having at least a rudimentary understanding of the
process can come in handy in the event of an emergency, for example.
One other point that you might consider with children who
don’t think it’s necessary to learn to drive, but aren’t afraid of it, is how they’ll
get around in the event that there isn’t adequate public transportation. Just
because your children decide not to drive doesn’t mean you should be the family
driver forever. You have to decide how much chauffeuring you are willing to do,
set your boundaries, and stick with them.
What about teens who are truly afraid of driving? How do
you help those children?
This isn’t about forcing people with deep fears to do
something before they’re ready. If your children have an extreme fear or phobia
about driving you might consider getting professional help. But for children
who are intimidated about driving, there is hope and you can help.
This is a good time for you and your children to check in
with your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Not only can this help reveal the
reasons behind the trepidation for the teens, it can also help you understand
any underlying fear or stress they have. By tapping into you IGS, you can also
gain a better perspective, have more confidence in your support methods, maintain
an increased level of patience, and even be aware when your children might want
to bow out and ask for help from another adult, professional or otherwise.
When you recognize that fear is simply an emotion, you can
acknowledge it and move on. This is the first step in helping someone who’s
nervous about anything. Telling children there’s nothing to be afraid of isn’t helpful.
Car accidents do happen and people do get hurt and killed while driving. The
fact that your children are tentative about learning to drive may be a sign of their
maturity – they see the inherent dangers and don’t have the mistaken belief
that they’re immune to them.
Rather than discouraging the fear, you can use this
awareness to help your children be better and safer drivers. Addressing the
specific aspects that scare them can be helpful. Allowing them to practice at their
own pace and not requiring that they do it at the same rate as an older sibling
or their friends can also go a long way towards developing their skills. With
better skills and more practice, the level of fear generally diminishes.
Find times and places to practice that give your student
drivers plenty of room to make decisions. Let them take their time. Be sure
that you’re centered before going out on any practice drives. If you start out
anxious, stressed, or tired, your drivers will pick up on that energy and won’t
have the most positive experiences.
Verbally reviewing the procedures before putting the car
into gear is another good way to ingrain the habits, especially if your children
are auditory learners. Many people who are fearful of driving turn out to be
very visual. There is so much stimulation and so many things to see, it feels
overwhelming. If this is the case, try
to have shorter sessions and control the environment as much as possible. Then,
gradually introduce busier, more challenging, and more stressful driving
situations.
Given time and understanding, your teens may actually grow
to love driving. Even if driving isn’t a favorite pastime, you can help them
get over a fear and learn an important life skill. By successfully conquering
this fear, not only will they learn to drive, they’ll learn that they can
handle other scary situations that come up in the future.
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