Trick or Treat: Opportunity of a Lifetime or a Big Risk?

Fear is a natural human response to stress and stress is often spoken of as if it’s a four-letter word to be avoided at all costs.

In actuality, stress occurs for many reasons. Stress can rear its ugly head during happy events, too,  and isn’t a bad thing at all. You can feel stress before your wedding day, when your kids are born, and many times, during school or work.

Even though these are stressful events, you’ll most likely still look back and admit that these things were the happiest days of your life.

You can help your kids by encouraging them to understand stress and fear. Try to provide them the means to deal with those emotions so it doesn’t cause them to avoid times that might be stressful, but happy at the same time. 

In caveman days, a person’s biggest stressors were truly life or death situations. Was that noise caused by something lurking behind that big tree that wants to turn you into a Happy Meal? That’s quite a bit more stressful than a cell phone battery dying. Intense fear is a very rational response to being hunted.

Fear causes a natural fight or flight reaction in the body. You can see this response in other animals as well. A rabbit will often freeze in its tracks, hoping to avoid detection. But if a rabbit believes that a predator has seen it, it will take off immediately, exhibiting the classic “flight” reaction.

Watch the family cat in a threatening situation. The cat will most likely bare its teeth, hiss, and swat at the offender, even though said offender is a much larger and stronger animal. This is the “fight” response in action.

Humans have the same reactions to stressful situations. Within your brain is an area called the amygdala and this is where the fight or flight response begins, ultimately sending hormones throughout your body. Some people will react like the rabbit, others like the cat. Most people can behave either way depending on the circumstances.

Fortunately, most of your stressful, scary situations are no longer life-threatening. Unfortunately, the amygdala is the most primitive part of your brain and in some ways, it hasn’t adjusted to modern life. That means it can’t tell the difference between different types of stress. Instead, it treats them all the same, as if your life is in literally in danger. Your body can become flooded with stress hormones, causing your heart to race and psychologically, you might want to flee or gear up for a battle.

Fear can then hold you back or keep you safe, even today. You’re given opportunities that also hold great risk. Whether you’re looking at investing your money in the stock market or into a new business, there’s a chance you could either strike it rich or fall on your face.

Imagine you’re offered a new job -- the dream job you always wanted. How exciting, right? Now imagine that new job happens to be with a different employer in an entirely new state. This means you have to uproot your family and relocate. That’s pretty stressful!

In the face of something like that, some people will freeze from fear and turn the job down. They’re running away, like the rabbit. They quickly decide that they can’t handle the change, so they stay put. Other people will jump at the chance, ready to take on the battles that lie ahead.

Neither of these responses are inherently right or wrong. The best response is to overcome your primitive brain and think about what you want, connecting with how your choices feel.

Many performers report that they feel fear before every show. For them, a certain level of “butterflies” should be celebrated -- it means they haven’t become complacent and recognize that they can still do their best while experiencing a little fear.

You can consider whether you’re allowing fear to hold you back or to keep you safe. Tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS) and evaluate how you feel. Try to recognize the fear and use the recognition to calm the primitive fear.

From there, you can start to discover the risks versus the rewards and where your personal tolerance level lies. You can recognize when the fear you’re feeling is a sign that you’re alive and excited like the performer. Your IGS will also help you identify when the fear is warning you away from taking action.

Your kids will have stress in life, too. They’ll worry about an upcoming exam, have to ask someone to the prom, or decide what college to attend. Later, they’ll need to use their IGS to decide which job offer to accept. But some adults, who weren’t counseled properly as children, may find it hard to even get out and go on job interviews!

If you remind your children to listen to their own IGS, you can help them to take advantage of stressful opportunities that are normal and important. They might completely miss out on some of the good things in life just because they never learned to control normal stress. Try to help kids to look inside and to conquer their fears when they’re young. If you do, they’ll be able to handle the stresses that are normal to a happy adult life.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.

Healthy Kids Come in All Shapes and Sizes

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that there’s another article or news report about how unhealthy your children are. Yet while it’s true that obesity and diabetes are increasing at a staggering rate in the U.S., that doesn’t mean that all kids are unhealthy and that you need to have a knee-jerk reaction to your children based on a superficial idea of what being healthy looks like.

Children who are lean tend to be viewed as healthy, whereas kids who are not are often perceived as being unhealthy. This isn’t necessarily so - body shape isn’t an indication of health at all.

It’s important for parents and kids to realize the health doesn’t have one look. Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

Some kids are “all knees and elbows” and are naturally thin. Others are stocky and sturdy. Looking at your children’s physical appearances can help you to assess a certain level of health. When you’re an objective observer, you can notice changes that may be indications that you should be concerned. After all, you likely see your children every day. Really seeing your kids so you can be alert to significant changes is key, but it’s not all you should be taking into consideration.

You should also look beyond physical appearance to determine if your child is really healthy or actually at risk.

Parents often encourage children who are thin to eat more, but if your children are naturally thin, this may not be necessary and could only cause undue mealtime drama. Most healthy children will eat enough to fuel their bodies at the level that makes them comfortable.

If your children seem to suddenly lose their appetite or if they never eat any fruit or vegetables, then you might have a legitimate concern. However, consider that this may be your son or daughter’s natural weight and it’s nothing to worry about -- as they age, their bodies may change and fill out.

On the other hand, parents of kids who are on the stockier side often attempt to restrict calories. However, the majority of kids don’t need to be placed on diets. If you struggled with your weight as a child or if you’re very weight conscious now, be aware that you may be projecting your own body image onto your children.

Forcing children to lose weight or focus too much on being thinner at a young age can set them up for years of struggling with their own body image issues. Again, be willing to consider that this may be a healthy weight for your son or daughter. Their stocky build may disappear when they go through a growth spurt or it may be that they’re simply going to retain this physical attribute and weigh more than their contemporaries.

How can you know if you should be concerned in the first place? First, look beyond a number on a scale. Health is more than just weight. Are your children physically active? Do they breathe hard or have difficulty moving? These are signs that are more important than weight in the end.

Of course, you may consult with your pediatrician to be sure that they don’t have any health concerns. Having a professional opinion can help balance out any personal biases you may have, whether they’re about weight, food, or physical activity.

Another way to help you know that you’re accurately seeing your children and assessing their health is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). As much as you love your children and want what’s best for them, it can be difficult for you to look at them objectively. Due to your own issues, you may be overly concerned with your kids’ weight. You may overlook a weight problem because they look like you did as a kid or because we love them “just the way they are.” Loving your kids no matter what is great, but you do them a disservice when you ignore warning signs that their health is in danger.

This is why your IGS can be such a powerful tool. When you tap into your inner wisdom, you cut away your biases and feel the truth of the matter. You can evaluate whether your children are eating too little or too much. Your IGS will help us recognize when your kids are in need of encouragement to make healthier eating choices or to be more active. It will also help you to know the best way to give that encouragement.

The bottom line is you want your kids to be healthy. You can help them and encourage them, but you need to remember that healthy kids come in all shapes in sizes. Look at the variety of body shapes in the Olympics and other sporting events. Some people naturally bulk up while others can be strong and look quite thin. Different body types often lead to different athletic abilities -- think of a sprinter versus an endurance runner. Both are healthy and yet their bodies look quite different. It’s up to your kids to decide which they are.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.