One of the
lessons that parents tend to drill into their children’s heads is to be polite
and respectful of others. In most cases, this is an important lesson and skill
for kids to learn.
Of course, you can also teach them
that they don’t have to be overly polite to everyone.
You already
teach them to avoid strangers, whether it’s the mantra from when I was growing
up, “Don’t talk to strangers” or today’s “Stranger Danger.”
What you
shouldn’t forget is that there are some people who aren’t strangers that are
more beneficial to avoid.
It’s
important for everyone to recognize that people just can’t get along with every
other human being on the planet.
Just because
you don’t have anything in common with them or they merely “rub you the wrong
way,” it doesn’t mean that you should completely avoid
them -- even if you could.
There are
clearly times when it’s impossible to avoid them because that person that you
find so irritating is your boss, the spouse of your best friend, or the person
next door. In these instances, you learn how to be polite and get along with
others, perhaps try to find something you have in common with them, or just
learn how to disentangle yourself from their presence quickly and tactfully.
Then there
are people who have beliefs and opinions that are diametrically opposed to your
own. It’s a great skill to learn how to respectfully listen to others. Often,
by hearing the other person out, you’ll broaden your own horizons and have a
greater understanding of the topic at hand. In some cases, you may even have a
new awareness that leads you to modifying or changing your opinion or behavior.
Listening
and calmly discussing different ideas can be a great tool. You probably already
use these skills when talking with family members as well as in our
professional lives. People who are very skilled at listening and weighing both
sides of a situation are often sought out as counsel, whether formally or on a
casual basis.
But then
there are people who are just plain toxic. How do you know if someone just is
different or irritating, or if they are truly toxic?
One of the
best ways is to tap into your Internal Guidance System (IGS). Pay attention to
how you feel when that person is around. How do other people react in their
presence? Is your discomfort merely because they have different opinions than
you do or because they look different to you? Or do you feel a pattern of
turmoil surrounding this individual?
If your IGS
is sending out warning signs that you should steer clear of this person, pay
attention. Your IGS is probably picking up on subtle clues that your conscious
mind is not.
Toxic people
often leave behind a wake of destruction. They may thrive on drama, even
stirring up fights between people. Or they may be very needy and take lots of
time and energy, draining you without ever being there when you could use a
hand.
It isn’t
always easy to avoid toxic people, especially if he or she is a family member, coworker,
teacher or classmate. If your child can’t entirely avoid the toxic person, help
them to set boundaries. By setting boundaries and remaining true to themselves,
your child will remain in control rather than allowing themselves to become a
victim swept up into the toxic person’s vortex.
